I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize