Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
