i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
