Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
how does that bad decision feel?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
