I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize