Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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