I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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