my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
