you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
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Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
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You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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