Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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