on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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