She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am available for nakedness
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
