i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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