I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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