New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
