May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
