It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
