Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I got inside last night via doggy door
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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