GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The struggles of a small town man whore
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
