Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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