so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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