when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My bed smells like the plague
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
