Don't you send me to vm
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
