Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
