She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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