guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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