Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
