ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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