chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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