What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
