I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
