So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sorry my hands just texted you
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
