This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
