JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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