Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm both gender and math confused
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
