A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
