Farmville is her only friend.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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