i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
