dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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