I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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