my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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