Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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