we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
