Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
