I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
