9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
