i love accidental penises.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
