Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
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i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
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On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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