If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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