She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
