wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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