just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
this just has baby written all over it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
