I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
