and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
