i permit you to call me
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
