Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
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You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
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I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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