upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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