i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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