can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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