i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
