Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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