How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
