I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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