What a fucking waste of an outfit
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
