Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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