Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
