Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
